A new year

It is time to update the blog and keep up with all the things that are happening.  The professor and I (and twins) are visiting family for Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year.  This is the first time we have managed a high holidays family visit in over 10 years!  It is the beginning of the school year, when professors start teaching (but the professor is not teaching this fall) and, well, the stars aligned and we flew east.  So far, the twins have seen lots of family, gone to a few playgrounds, ridden the DC Metro for the first time, and had several other big adventures.

I am taking a break with family and from trying to juggle everything in Winnipeg: toddlers, running our household and working whenever I can manage but had some things to share.

Learning to ask where our food is from just appeared in the Forward...this is a revision of what I originally wrote, but it is probably a kinder and gentler piece now!  Here's one of the photos I sent; a canning photo with more frills appeared with the piece, but this is what my apricot jam and saskatoon jams looked like this fall. (yes, I have managed some canning this summer, and I am so excited to have a full pantry again, I have not managed to can since 2010 so this is huge!)

A little while ago, this article about "helping hands" appeared in the Forward as well. I am so glad to get a chance to continue talking about the issues of helping new moms and new families--there has been a lot of quiet feedback from women of all ages about my two articles on this topic. More women struggle with these issues than you might imagine; our society needs to step up and help more! Finally, I am so pleased with recent interest in my new pattern, Slippy the cowl. It has been slowly beginning to sell, and I cannot wait to see knitters' versions as they appear on Ravelry and the blogosphere. All this seems like it is worth sharing as we begin 5774, the new year, and a brand new school year.

Helping new moms

Recently, there was a very sad news story here in Winnipeg.  A mom and her two children, an infant and a 2 year old, died tragically.  The story caused compassionate ripples of sadness-it is a heartwrenching one-throughout our community.  May they rest in peace.

However, the news gave me a chance for reflection.  The thing is, I am still so close to this experience of having infants that I know I wasn't alone when I thought--no, that is too neutral a word, felt torn up with thinking, that could have been me.  Or another new mom down the block...or really anyone who just felt for a dangerous moment, completely unable to cope.  I didn't know this mom, but that didn't matter in the slightest.

Sleep deprivation alone can cause this, never mind postpartum depression or psychosis.  Last week, we had a run of 5 consecutive nights when one of our 2 year old twins (FINALLY) slept through the night.  (The other twin sleeps consistently through the night but takes very short daytime naps)  So, last week, I got more hours of sleep than I have gotten, in a row, in 2.5 years.

It's over now.  Last night, our smaller twin was up from 3:30-4 with me, which is not at all unusual.  No sense getting used to sleep.

(Please don't rush to describe Dr. Ferber or any other fail-safe techniques that you used.  I am so glad it all worked for you.  In the words of our pediatrician--some kids just don't sleep well.  We are doing the best we can, according to what fits our values and specific situation.)

Anyhow, late last week, I submitted an op-ed to our newspaper.  It came out almost immediately.  You can read it here:

New Mothers Need Supports

I hope it helps make a difference somehow.  A small part of me is thrilled I am slowly getting this part of my life back, the writing part.  I so wish it wasn't in memory of this terrible loss in our city.

Building Community

Our story starts with the famous (but not entirely effective) Super Grover 2.0 from Sesame Street. My boys love this character, who is sort of clueless, but we, the parents, love the tag line after the announcer says:  "Super Grover 2.0!....He shows up!"

This, in effect, is the answer to a lot of things in life, not just building community.  Showing up.  We have joined a new congregation.  A friend of ours is the rabbi, and it is a small, vibrant, intellectual place.  We believe in its mission in our community and think its future is bright.

So, in late 2012, when the rabbi asked if one of us would serve on the board, we wrestled with how we could manage that.  Board meetings happen on week nights, when it is all hands on deck here to do the night time routines, bathe two toddlers and get them to bed.  How would we manage?  We finally decided I would volunteer, and we would pay a babysitter to help the professor every time.  Unfortunately even this solution has not been ideal, and I sometimes come home to find the professor worn out with wrestling twins to bed on his own long after the sitter has gone home. (We still struggle with sleep here)

Some of my friends these days find time to do runs and walks to raise money for cancer, and others do long bike rides and ask for sponsorships.  Right now, the New Shul is my only extracurricular activity, and we are paying for childcare so I can volunteer. There is not even any exercise involved!  However, it is a cause we believe in supporting for our future, and for the boys'.

People who are living far away sometimes ask me what they can do for us, to make this twin thing easier.  This article does a good job of explaining the stress of twin childbearing and parenting-it is hard to say what would make it easier, other than growing another pair of arms....but in thinking about it, the professor and I realized something.  Right now, we are just trying to show up like Super Grover, whenever a twin, a student, etc. needs our help. Sure, we appreciate lots of moral support from afar, and that helps!  thanks! In Winnipeg though, This congregation is one of our local supports.  So, if  you did want to help out, say, to celebrate the boys' upcoming birthday or our anniversary or spring time, perhaps consider this: Think about donating here.

We are grateful for any amount you choose to give.  Thank you for honoring us by considering this.  We are grateful.  We won't be running a marathon or biking for 2 weeks to prove our support, but we have just gone through yet another week caring for sick twins while we have all been down with a stomach virus.  Does that count? :). Joanne

coming to a Winnipeg classroom soon...

Hello again!  I'm sorry (yet again) that these posts have been so sporadic...

I am slowly, slowly, trying to get back into having a little bit of a work life.  This begins January 20th....at McNally Robinson, a local bookstore with a community classroom.  I'll be teaching a class on cloth diapering and using wool soakers.  This combines my work knowledge (wool, wool and...did I say--wool?) with the information I've gained while cloth diapering twins.  I hope it will be useful for others!  It sure would have been helpful for us to go to a class like this when we were expecting...!

That is followed by another class in early March on the topics in my book, Knit Green.  (links at right)  While the book was published in 2009, the information is still relevant.  I am hoping to get the "green" knitting conversation going again, at least locally, if I can.

Finally, here is a sneak preview of a v-neck pullover sweater I designed recently.  It is a one-of-a-kind garment at the moment; no pattern (yet), and knit out of some beautiful Polwarth blend yarn I bought when the owner of Rovings, a local spinning/knitting business, retired.  It is a very warm sweater!  Perfect for playing in our basement on those very cold -30F days when we don't leave home.  I'm currently at work on sweater #2, which is being done in more conventional yarns as I test out the pattern.

Right now we are struggling with a virus (fever, runny nose and cough) and I got to sit out on the front porch watching the snow fall after midnight last night...with a kid in the sling -wrapped in a wool blanket--to cool him down.  Sleep is a distant memory, but we're still hanging on here.  I'll try to drop by the blog more often...thanks for stopping by!

losing it

Lots of people have mentioned that they missed the blog posts.  Me too.
It has been hard to find time to do this.
A few things have changed but most things remain the same.
The things that are the same:
-A doctor's appointment every week or two (5 total from Nov.27-Dec.27, including the twins and me) really cuts into our routine....again, no one is very ill but there are some things that should be watched.
-We don't really sleep through the night--at 18 months.

The things that are different are good things:
We have found a marvelous home day care where the twins go to play each morning.  This means I am slowly digging out and beginning to consider returning to part time work in a very low key way.  Stay tuned: I am teaching a couple of classes in the new year.

The professor is almost done with his semester, so he is going to help the boys through the night for a while.  I have only rarely gotten more than 3 hours of sleep at a time, so this will be huge. Toddlers frequently wake up once or twice a night.  I have two.  4 wake ups a night--not unusual.

Here's a short story to illustrate our title (losing it). It ends well.

I am a person who does not lose things.  This is important to my identity! I had my parents' house key (the same one), for about 30 years, from age 8 onwards.  Eventually, they changed the lock...but it took 30 years. :)

Twice recently, I have lost my keys.  This was huge.  My house keys, car keys --the whole enchilada.  The first time I was panicked and did not know how I would pick the boys up from day care.  In fact, both my friendly daycare provider and I considered a mile long walk with a double (or triple, in her case) stroller  to return the boys home while I panicked and searched.  It was already icy and snowy here and while the boys have warm sleeping bags on their stroller, I just couldn't face it without a thorough search.

On the third trip to retrace my steps, I found my own keys.  They were right next to the compost bin.  Buried in the snow.  Yep.  Whew. Lucky.

Then, on Monday, something worse happened.  Again, in a sleep deprived haze, I headed out the door at 7:15 to walk our dogs.  I remember very little of the walk in the dark.  When I got home, I stood at the back door.  No keys in my pocket.  Oh NO.

The professor loaned me his car key (the only other one) and I got the car going and headed on with my day.  Unfortunately, I've had a bad cold, so I didn't feel well enough (or rested enough) to cope with making a new key on my own.  A friend jumped to the rescue, and rushed off through freezing rain to get my (chip encrusted) key made.

This solved the immediate problem, but on Tuesday and Wednesday, we discovered that the copied key only worked every so often due to the electronic chip security issues.  What's worse than losing your car keys?  Trying to start your car in winter here with two toddlers in it and having the key not work. In fact, this just makes me afraid. Snow started in early November this year and this weekend's temperatures will be in the -20F range.  (dang cold)

On Wednesday, there was a slight thaw, it was around freezing, and the twins took their nap in the stroller while a helper kindly went with me to post "LOST KEYS" signs on my dog walk.  Bear in mind that by then, I had walked the dog walk 5 or 6 times (a mile each) trying to find keys in every snow drift.

Wednesday night, a young man (no older than 10), let us know he had found the keys. Hurray!

My car now starts consistently with its original key.

I slept a bit more last night as the professor handled the baby wake ups.  I am still sick but hopefully getting better.

Things, for the moment, are good.

I waited a long time to post so I could say something cheerful.  (That is hard with 2 years without sleep) Here it is.
Have a good one...and be grateful if you have your car keys, please!

treading water

My friends have been asking me--"When will you post new things to your blog?" It has been more a problem of...when will I be able to open my computer up again?

Right now, I am taking advantage of an absolutely unusual thing. Both babies are napping at the same time. To get to this place, we had a day of fussiness and then I took the babies on a long walk in the stroller. (While editing this post, one of the babies woke up. Oh well.)

Usually when this rare thing happens, it is a mad chance to:

go to the bathroom

take a shower

eat

pump (I am still breastfeeding/pumping/bottle feeding with formula--all of it. Yes.)

I don't get to do any of these things very often, so blog posts seem like an impossible luxury right now! I promise I'll try to drop in when I can.

So, here is a brief update. In both of these photos, you can see Leo on the left and Sam on the right. The top photo features a multicolored blue baby surprise sweater knit by a friend. (hi Liz!)

The other two sweaters (cotton light blue and light green) are also versions of the same pattern, knit for the babies by my mom.

I am still working on the same knit toy that I started when I came home from the hospital 4.5 months ago...yes, the babies are nearly 5 months old now. I have knit this toy previously (before these babies) for one of my nephews. It took me two evenings.

Yup...there is NO TIME for anything at all. I can't even remember the last time I was able to go to my office on the third floor. It's getting dusty.

People have asked how one manages with twin infants. Some lifesaving things:

1) a baby carrier or sling. I wear a baby in a sling (and nurse using the sling, while feeding the other baby a bottle) for hours every day. Yes, my back hurts after a long while, so I use more than one kind of sling so that the weight is distributed differently using the two different slings. Wearing a baby allows me to do crazy two handed things like fold laundry, make dinner, or even change the other baby's diaper.

2) The stroller. Yes. I walk around the neighborhood a lot, and I am dreading winter. When real winter happens, I'm not sure what we'll do...hopefully by then the babies will be older and do better at napping on their own. We've had an outstandingly wonderful fall with lots of good weather so far, and I've walked miles while pushing a really big stroller.

3) A very involved spouse. Baby #2 just woke up, they are crying, and the professor is managing it for now.

4) Really helpful friends...the kind who come over, face two babies screaming with a calm aplomb, pick up a baby, and give me a chance to cook or eat dinner, shower, or well, have a strong drink. :)

5) Hired guns. We've got a variety of people helping us for about 16 hours a week, and they all have different strengths. It is expensive, and a financial stretch and I can't leave home most of the time anyway because there are TWO babies here, never mind the laundry, bottles, and other chores. It is a really good week when I can be out for 2-4 hours without babies. Not 4 hours all at once, mind you, but a few minutes here and there.

6) I hear that this phase of childrearing ends and I can't wait. I miss my friends, my work life (now on hold), and getting more than 2 to 3 hours of sleep at a time!

A lot of folks have asked me how things are and I hardly have time to email back. Forgive me if this post sounds blatantly honest...but things are sort of a blur at present. People stop me on the street, address me by name, talk about the babies--and I have no idea who they are! I hope someday to have enough sleep again to do better.

In the meanwhile, if I smile and nod at you, but look vacant? It's not you. It's me...and juggling two 4.5 month babies. Please keep the cheery emails, visits, and good vibes coming in our direction...I appreciate it all even if I can't manage good responses. Those communications mean the world to me.

Thanks so much.

Joanne

PS: Yes, if you were curious, those U.S. passports are still lost in the mail. We have a couple of senators, a congressman, the U.S. Consul and some other folks working on it. It's kind of a bureaucratic mess. This problem on its own makes me need to take deep cleansing yoga breaths, never mind the baby stuff.

stained glass colored glasses

Thought you'd enjoy seeing our newest acquisition...we got this stained glass panel Sunday at an old house warehouse/antique mall place. (Old House Revival, if you live in Winnipeg.)

We hung it immediately in our dining room. Check out the photos! We're hoping that this will:
A) Block out some views of the ugly new condo across the street, which is growing uglier by the day. The latest is the landscaping, which appears to be all rocks....no greenery at all so far.

B) Screen views from the street so people can't look in and see the babies all the time.

C) Beautify our lives a bit.

So far, option C is working. I think it looks great and that makes me happy! I have a call into the store to find out if they know anything more about the history behind this piece. I am so sleep deprived that I am surprised by how nice it looks every time I enter the dining room. I just can't remember that we bought it. :)

It doesn't entirely screen out the condo (very little would) and now it appears that some of the lighting they've installed on the staircase directly facing our house is purple. GROSS.

We acquired this really quickly--went looking at stained glass with the babies in tow on Saturday. We asked for the Old House Revival folks to get a price quote on this piece for us. They called us on Sunday, and the professor went and bought it, brought it home and hung it.

It was a great way to make a decision about decorating! Quickly!

I am posting this colorful set of images to offset the not-so-wonderful other complications we're encountering. This summer I had some big postpartum health complications which I'm not going to go into here. The major stuff is mostly resolved now, but I won't lie, it hasn't been an easy haul. Meanwhile, my professor has been juggling his busy laboratory, teaching a course with 50 some students, life with new twins, taking care of me and two dogs...and a lot of bureaucracy.

You see, we're American citizens living in Canada. The twins are eligible for both U.S. and Canadian citizenship. There's a lot of paperwork involved in all of this passport, Social Security Number and Social Insurance Number acquisition, of course, and the bureaucracy around it is boggling. If, for instance, we want to visit our families in the US, we must straighten all this out before we leave home so the babies' papers are in order to cross the border.

Anyway, as you might imagine, life with two infants is very busy. The babies eat every 2-3 hours, and at night, they stretch that out sometimes to 4 hours. So, we don't get much sleep. A rare and great night is more than 6 hours of sleep with only a single interruption. Usual is 4-5 hours, with perhaps two feeding or diaper changing interruptions.

When patience is stretched to the breaking point by crying, barking, and passports potentially lost in the mail (no kidding) and the new parents in question are seriously tired, sometimes maybe one needs a bit of colored glass (rose colored glasses?) to try to see the world in a more cheerful light.

Sometimes one needs bread as nourishment. Sometimes too, I need art nourishment. This stained glass is helping make the bread feel more like a meal these days. I think it belongs in our dining room.

first knitting project

There is knitting after giving birth to twins. It involves multiple people holding babies--so I can knit. Every stitch takes a village.

This is my first postpartum personal design project. It's a sleeping bag for a baby who is often cold in the middle of the night, no matter how many flannel blankets he's wrapped in.

Size 15 needles, 2.25 stitches to the inch and wool blend, machine washable yarn.

It's been warm here, but I chose a cool morning to try it out. Thirty seconds after putting the baby in? He was asleep.

The project cost me about $44, but with a $30 gift certificate, I paid $14.

The cost of a warm and sleeping twin baby for one very tired Joanne? Priceless...

Baby Want Ads

I'm cute, available, and 9 lbs.

Pick me up.

(Pick up line courtesy of the professor and his 9 lb date, Sam. Here, Sam is two timing with his brother and me...yes, slings are a lifesaver with twins.)

Active twins seek well-rested playmates. Parents need not apply.

Want to save the earth? Do more laundry. Cloth diapers are a great choice for us--economical, ecologically friendly AND?

(Joanne adds: incredibly time intensive with twins...this is the closest I've gotten to fiber arts or textile creativity of any kind since the babies were born June 1. I hope this changes some day...)

late nights

I have been trying to post a bunch of photos of a month now. This isn't all the gifts and since I am typing one handed at 11 at night while a baby feeds,I suspect this post won't have any fancy links or anything, either.

I spend a lot of time like this in the middle of the night. These twins eat every two to three hours, day and night. I am awake and seeing 1AM through 5 AM more often since becoming pregnant and having twins than I ever did while in college or grad school. Babies sure do know how to make a noise in the middle of the night. It makes a frat party seem quiet.

OK, back to posting about knitting. Check out all these amazing handknits and handsewn flannel blankies! All sizes, tasteful colors and designs -my friends have good taste!

So far, we've been managing here with a hodgepodge of helpers. A few hours of paid help here and there. (not much, we can't afford a nanny or housekeeper although heaven knows one would be helpful about now) The professor has only been working a very little bit on school stuff. Instead, we've been working flat out on baby stuff and barely keeping up. A team of kind and thoughtful friends have brought over food, held babies, run errands and generally been so supportive. I can't believe how many people have helped fold our laundry, for instance. If you're one of those people...thank you.

The dogs are continuing to adjust well and do a lot to protect and support their babies. More on that another time, I guess.

In the daytime, the babies can both look very active, bright eyed and alert. I try to remember this when there is a lot of fussing. (and since one of the guys has problems with his digestion just now and is on medication, there is a lot of fussing...) That's the update for now! I hope thisfinds you well...I'll try to tell you more stories someday soon when I am not giving up sleep to do so. :)

twin B comes home

from a couple of somewhat manic/tired parents:

On Wednesday, June 8th, our younger twin came home from the neo-natal intensive care unit at the hospital. He weighed 4 lbs, 5 oz then. We've been working hard to keep everybody fed, clean, and happy here. This is no small feat. Three adults (two parents, and my mom) working round the clock, still sometimes do not have enough hands to feed, change, and comfort two newborns. (Due to the small size of the babies, long labor and unexpected drugs and c-section I had, the babies need to have formula supplementation along with breast milk, so that means everyone feeds babies, not just me.) Needless to say, I haven't been able to keep up with my email, blog comments, or even phone calls. Sorry!

The dogs are working full time as well. Sally alerts us right away when someone starts crying. She starts alarm barking and pacing until someone picks up whichever of her babies is unhappy. Harry is thrilled but not as involved--he seems like a very enthusiastic and laid back uncle. He wants to be right near by but does not mind or attend to the crying at all.

Tomorrow, more relatives start to arrive...we'll be busy with baby festivities through next weekend. Then, all the out of town relatives will leave and the professor and I will be left on our own to figure this twin thing out. I'm hoping by then Sally will be able to give a bottle and change diapers on her own. (just kidding? I wish it were possible!)

Hopefully next time I'll be able to update you on the amazing knitting present I received this week...a baby shower in a box, filled with beautiful handmade knitted and sewn presents! Lots of photos to come, I hope! Truly this was a labor of love and I am honored to receive these gifts. I hope to write thank you notes to everybody soon.

Thanks again for all your warm wishes. Thanks so much for being part of my cyber community. It's wonderful hearing from everyone.

Fondly,

Joanne