imagination and reality

My sweater with the zipper is done...the slip-stitch cardigan that I designed out of my handspun. I have a vivid imagination and this yarn was so delicious...I imagined something perfect. I loved the fleece, loved spinning the yarn, and even enjoyed the knitting. Yet, I'm sad to say that sometimes I finish a perfectly acceptable sweater and feel let down. It's not....(insert something here) right. I wanted a plunging v-neck but not too plunging, a bulky lofty yarn in a flattering pattern for an average sized shape, a zipper because I thought it would lie flatter than a series of buttons. Also, 782 yards of handspun (all the wool that was left from this fleece) only allowed for a very deep neckline. As it was, I used tiny bits to finish the short rows in the v-neck edging. There just ain't no more yarn!

When I washed the zipper and dried it, it dried with a ripple or two which haven't yet flattened out on my body. This photo, shot with the detritus of my knitting corner in the background, is small because I'm not thrilled with any of the photos AND I don't think photos are so flattering when one isn't feeling good. I'm considering some sort of neckline addition in another yarn--just not sure about that. What do you think?

All of your encouragement (and a shove from my mother and best friend) motivated me to contact my kind primary care doctor. He got me an appointment right away, and then scheduled another with a specialist soon, along with handing me additional antibiotics. He was honest, maybe this was out of his league, but that no, I wasn't imagining anything, there's probably something else wrong. I'm hopeful that I will heal up soon. In the meantime, it allows a lot of time for thinking and knitting.

I've been wrestling with a different issue regarding imagination and reality. Recently, I've heard of at least 3 couples who are likely to divorce. In several of these, I've observed highly competent women, who are juggling mothering and work as well as most of the household tasks. The current state of our gender (in)equality is stressful and taxing for women who don't get support from their spouses. That lack of support is excused by underlying "traditional values." It's made worse by the ever increasing individuality emphasized by our society and its commercial culture--of course there's leisure time to play golf or video games, watch every channel on TV or to party with friends or alone. There's also no time for community building activities, that seem to support people when they actually need the help. The reality is that childrearing, housekeeping and working require much of our attention. Plus, if one wants to maintain a relationship and a community, that takes work too. Without honest community members to keep us in line, we sometimes lose touch with what's important. (family, not computer time?) It's not all fun and games, despite what it looks like on TV. While feminism means that women should be allowed equal access to everything that men do, it doesn't mean men are excused or exempt from those same activities.

Living in one's imaginary world all the time --without a reality check--sometimes breaks up marriages, households, and children's lives. My reality? The professor's great at assuming responsibility when I've felt sick and unable to cope with much more than the book deadlines and my health. He's done the chores, from buying the dogs' kibble to doing the laundry and making dinner. (He's also good at ordering take-out!) I'm lucky to have this, but it takes work for both of us. In collapsing marriages, sometimes a woman often shoulders all the burden, and wonders whether it's necessary to remain tied to an unsupportive spouse. I wonder what's going on societally that makes this sort of mutual, positive spousal support seem unusual.